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The Edge of Uncertainty

No one teaches you to be brave. No one teaches you to step out of your comfort zone, intentionally and with strength.

I feel like I’ve lived my life trying new things, conquering new skills, because that’s what I love to do.

But, I never understood that I could have any life I wanted.

Sure, you grow up hearing, “You can be anything!”. That meant a doctor or a firefighter or a movie star.

They didn’t mean you can write your own rules. That you don’t have to live in a house with a white picket fence, work a 9-5 job, settle down, have babies, then hit retirement and finally do what you’ve always dreamed of.

I can’t believe it’s taken me all of 27 years to realize I don’t have to fit the mold.

I can create a life that is purely mine and is infused with wild joy. Wild abandon that only I can create.

I no longer want to live in the confines of what my culture and upbringing has told me is allowed, or natural, or how you should go about living your life.

I’m not even sure I know or fully understand the true desires of my heart when it comes to lifestyle.

Do I dare?

Yes, and yes again. I DO dare. 

I feel the tug of my heart always like wind. When I’m going against what it’s telling me, where I’m being lead, or feeling frustrated with a problem I haven’t quite received the solution to, it feels like swirling, angry wind stuck in my chest.

Battering against the confines of my body. Stagnant.

When I’m in flow, when I am moving towards the direction of my dreams, I feel the wind rushing through me. Gushing from my chest, as if my feet couldn’t possibly stay on the ground with the power of the gusts.

So, where do I want to go with my life? How do I want to live?

This is the question I’m asking myself tonight. I crawled out of bed, the lights off and only the sound of my Son’s white noise machine carrying into my room.

When questions spur in my mind, they MUST be answered.

So, I ask myself again. HOW do you want to live? 

I want to live without attachment to physical things.

I want to enjoy each and every place for it’s unique beauty.

I want to lean on the connection and love of the people in my life – that will be my “home”.

I want adventure. I don’t want fear to stop me from experiencing things where I’m unsure of how to operate in them. (ex: traveling with my Son and not wanting to feel like I don’t know every step before we make it)

I want to live with beauty. Infused in my every cell and decision. To recognize it, to create it…to personify it.

I want to live without thought of how others perceive me. Isn’t that what “dance like nobody is watching” is really about?

I want to be able to let go of things that don’t serve me anymore.

I want to appreciate and be grateful for every thing, every person and every experience in my life.

I want my address to be as fluid as my heart. As my emotions and desires.

I want to honor my need for space, silence and rest.

I want to honor my desire for glitz, romance and crowded wine bars.

I want to never stop learning who my Husband is. How he works and what he desires.

I want to achieve so called impossible things.

I want to live on the edge of uncertainty.

–How do you want to live? There are no rules! Dig deep and comment below. Let’s be inspired by each others dreams. <3 

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