Listen below, because sometimes the voice is more powerful than the written word.
HEADS UP: There is adult language in this recording, so if you have little ones around, grab your headphones.
Joy. Happiness. Bliss.
I want them all. And, I don’t want to feel that way every once in a while. Ya’ know, when the stars aline and my hormones are balanced and I’ve eaten all the right foods that day.
I want BLISS everyday. I want to wake up and feel that butterfly feeling in my chest at a new day.
A new day to create. A new day to love. A new day to live fully and with gratitude.
To make-out. To sleep in next to the one that holds my heart.
To be the tickle monster to a sleepy toddler.
To do yoga naked, even if it feels silly at first.
I officially want ALL THE THINGS.
My journey of loving my life and my place in it has been a slow transformation. It started painfully.
Darkness. Not getting up off of the floor. Anxious, throbbing pain.
Then, a burst. A breakthrough. A glimmer of hope. A glimmer of a glimmer of an opportunity to be healthy again.
I took it. I fought for it. I barred my teeth and growled at the life that was me, lying on the floor, in pain. Not living, not really.
I said, “FUCK THIS”.
I will not just survive anymore.
Thus, change began. Sometimes I felt I was moving backward. Sometimes sideways. Always looking forward, though. Always reaching. Knowing there MUST be another way. A better way.
Fast forward to today. To my life as it currently stands.
I feel tears well up in my eyes, as they so often do these days. But, not out of pain or sadness, but out of an overwhelming feeling of gratitude. Of happiness. Because, I certainty didn’t create this myself.
I was led here. Encouraged. Lifted when I couldn’t get up on my own.
Pushed. Challenged. Wondering if it would ever change.
My life…this life. YOUR life. God, it’s beautiful.
And, it’s a choice. It truly is! It’s an awakening to your spirit. What drives you, what makes you light up and what puts a smile on your face.
Awakening. Yes, it truly is. If you feel constantly sad, constantly down and beat up and unhappy…there’s a reason.
There’s a seed inside you. It wants to grow. It has a story to tell. The longer it’s held inside, where the light can’t hit it. The water can’t reach it. It’s potential only…you will feel the friction.
Let it out, love. Let go of pain. Let go of anger and bitterness and fear.
Reach for that light with all that’s within you. Lean on those around you. Don’t settle for a life that you aren’t happy with.
I choose joy today. And, every day. Even those days that are hard, because we all have them.
What makes me happy:
- Candles, just because. The more the better.
- Going grocery shopping and then looking at my fridge. Full of colorful, abundant fruit and vegetables. I seriously feel warmth to my toes.
- Dancing for no freaking reason. Putting on youtube videos and letting my body move.
- Singing Numi Numi, a Hebrew lullaby, to my Son.
- WATER. The ocean, lakes, rivers…hell, a puddle if that’s what it takes.
- Clean, abundant drinking water. I drink it by the gallon.
- Pretty things – clothes, jewelry, paintings, decorations…I love it all.
- Ginger tea and bullet proof coffee.
- Coconut oil.
- The windows rolled down in my car on a beautiful day.
- Learning something new and helping someone else discover it too.
- When my Husband grabs me out of nowhere and kisses me.
- My shaved legs and painted toes.
- Futurama on Netflix.
- Essential oils.
- CHOCOLATE…and wine.
So…what’s your list? What things are already in your life that you can anchor and appreciate?
It’s OK if it’s hard to feel joy at first. If everyday you have to actively look for it and choose it. It gets easier and the joy gets LOUDER. The bad things get smaller. You’re worth the effort, darling.